he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
