what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
