so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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