2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
