dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
