the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
