I should be sponsored by Trojan
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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