She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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