bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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