Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
