She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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