Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
