If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
