I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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