nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sext me about skeletons
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
