I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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