So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
foreskin is a definite game changer
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
