the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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