The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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