You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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