I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
