I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
