So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
