I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
