we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
