i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't deserve a penis
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
