Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
