and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
