if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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