i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
