Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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