I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
