she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
