these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dont even know how to be here
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
