You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
