he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
