I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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