Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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