Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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