When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
