just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
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