the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so let's talk penis.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
