At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
