when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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