At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
