I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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