The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
