Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
