Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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