i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
