Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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