Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
