i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize