so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
