why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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