I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize