3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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