I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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