a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need water and some morals
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
