I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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