I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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