You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize