So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
