when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
