she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
