its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
