So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
