Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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