nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
How external is "for external use only"?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
