If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
