Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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