I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
