...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
