i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
