she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
