apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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