i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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